Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Who's Got the Map?

Since the amputation of my entire department, I'm pretty emotional.

I waiver between extreme grief for the agency that I wish I was still working with and excitement at the idea of doing something new.

I waiver between fear / total panic at the idea of going somewhere else to work - with new people, new expectations - that whole "not being the expert at your job" is kind of horrifying. I feel like I've been dumped and I'm jumping into dating before I'm even "over it". Maybe I'm not ready to like new co-workers or get to know new office mates?

I think I should take some time to catch my breath and then I go into extreme hysterics that I will never find anything and I better get serious about the searching RIGHT NOW. I think I should have NO expectations - and on the other hand - I think I should set my sights high...I'm a pretty qualified person. (Until you go to look for a job - and suddenly...all the things that make you "special" are non-applicable and make you look totally unskilled.)

I've never collected unemployment - it sounds like something people in this situation should embrace...and then I feel like there's something really wrong with me for considering that ---and what if that benefit runs OUT and I'm still lost? How sad would THAT be?

I've invested some years into polishing my skills in this field - but maybe it's time to move on. Maybe there's a whole other field to consider ---maybe one that's more fun, or has more money, or has more advancement?

I kind of think a "job" instead of a career would be an OK thing - clock in, do it, clock out. No worries. Maybe I could be a dough master (I really saw that advertised) or a PhD of java-mixology (I made that one up). Really, if the money is going to suck regardless of where I go (and so far - nothing comes close)...shouldn't I at least have the advantage of having a blast?

I need a crystal ball. I need direction. I need to have all the offers laid out in front of me so that I can put together the very best poker hand possible...

So if anyone's got the career GPS - please send it my way...

1 comment:

Janet said...

I've been pondering a very similar post. I keep wavering between thinking, yay! Freedom! (From certain people and situations you know well.) and then thinking "Oh my God! What am I going to DOOOOO?!

I'm still considering either "meat cook" or "nondestructive tester" myself.