So Not Over It

At the end of week 2 at the new "temp" job (2 weeks down 14 left to go) - I fell into a sad grief for the loss of my old job.

You see, the problem is that I was really good at my old job. I loved that when I came into work I was mostly in charge of my own day. I knew what to expect. I knew how to do all the work. I knew what was coming up. I knew how to kill time. I knew how to hustle ass and get shit done. I even knew that I'd get my "to do" list for the entire year!

I had my own parking space. I had my own office space. I had my own computer, my own phone, I knew how to order supplies, I knew where to charge copies too. I knew everything - I was the master of my job. Even my supervisor could sometimes offer suggestions, but didn't know all the in's and out's like I did.

Some days were filled with meetings. And regardless of the crazy hour I might have to leave - at the end of the road there were people that I liked and knew and understood. (Minus all the ivory tower overlords.) My phone didn't ring off the hook. The expectations were clear. I had a whole handbook of guidelines to direct me, forms to fulfill every requirement, and while some of it varied from year to year - it was all systematic...once you figured it out and translated what they wanted into what you could deliver.

I miss my old job. Miss it like a dear old friend. And in this area - there is nothing comparable. Nothing even in that field of expertise. So I'm starting over - which may sound like a positive opportunity for growth - but in reality, that means I feel like a newbie straight out of school. I've gone from 'expert of most things' to 'expert of nothing'.

I've discovered that I'm really not so fond of work that is completely people-centered. I don't mind people in small doses - but when your job is one that totally demands on meeting the whims of multiple people (often without resources or logic)...well, it kind of sucks. It's a bit like fighting a forest fire with a water bottle.

I'm also not such a big fan of "traditional work hours'. Add that to the list of things I'm missing - in the old days - if I wanted to start my day early - I could. If that happened - I would also leave early. I didn't take a lunch break and I didn't hesitate to take off when my kiddo got out early - because I always had extra comp hours to burn. When your job revolves around people - it also revolves around their hours - which do not do much for my mommy duties!

And somewhere in the back of my mind - I'm losing faith that I will find a place that fits me (and I it). And that I will be good at, enjoy, and be able to live with the wages. Okay, at the end of the week - that doubt was front and center in my mind, pouring out of my mouth, and making my eyes water. I'm trying to cram it back deep down into the dark place as I prepare for week 3...if you have any extra hope in your pocket...please feel free to send it my way.

Wishing Wednesday

Week 32: The one that ponders my new / short-lived / temporary job...and that status of the world...

• I wish I had a magic wand to fix the problems of people that are trying so hard to get ahead and are still falling short.
• I wish mental illness could actually be cured with a pill.
• I wish that I had the power to magically make people chill out...do you think yelling at me (or every other person you have contact with) will make me want to bend over backwards to help you?
• I wish that everyone had to play by the rules.
• I wish that Cobra rates were not so damned high that they could throw me into panic attacks.

Thanks...

• I'm thankful for all the chaotic, unbalanced people that find it within their hearts to be nice and talk nice and work nicely with me - while I try to work with them.
• I'm thankful for moments that I can balance a need to stand up for myself with the need to avoid physical harm.
• I'm thankful (and fearful) for the days I can count down before I'm not in some of these situations anymore. At bad moments my mantra is "only XX days to go..."
• I'm thankful for some of the amusing things that have been said to me and that I have been able to say to others because of these experiences.
• I'm thankful for a desk, sometimes a phone, and sometimes a computer to do my job with.
  

Wishing Wednesday

Week 31:

I wish that my internal alarm was not set for 3AM lately.

I wish that I was not about to report to work for my 3rd day - and that I still have no solid idea of what I am doing, no office, no chair, no desk, no computer, no phone, and only a key to the bathroom / staff lounge - which will at some point be my office.

I wish it was easier to look at the scraps of my old job / old office as they become the "leftovers" for my current (but only 16 week) position.

I wish I could get a grasp on time - how quickly hours get filled, days pass, and wishes pile up.

I wish that as I return from what was officially a "vacation with a little substitute chef-ing" I wasn't having to barter for a parking spot that has been 100% MINE for the past 10 years. (it's just meanness)


And thanks...

Thank you Adult Swim for the pleasant entertainment - at least if I am not sleeping- you have a good show to offer.

Thank you Netflix - for yet another series that I am falling in love with after it's old hat to most viewers...I'm diving into Gossip Girl ...and having flashbacks of the 90210 days (pre-Melrose).

Regardless of the chaos / uncertainty / short shelf life - I am thankful for my extension at the office in this new and very undefined job.

I am thankful for the offers (however crappy) that continue to be mentioned to me - it gives me hope that the dream one will come along.

I am thankful for the cooler weather...it's almost got a hint of fall to it!

What wishes are filling your days?

Wishing Wednesday

Week 30: Working on borrowed time...

• I wish happy b-day to me.
  
• I wish for the weatherman to be right - meaning, that soon my A/C may stop getting an overtime workout.
  
• I wish for some time to brew over some exciting ideas - ideas that will be very share-able should they be ideas I happen to follow through with.
• I wish for kindness to kitty's...this week I had a dream that someone was boiling kittens alive...like some people do lobsters...and for the record...eewwww!...then saw a news story about some guy marinating his cat? Stop hating on the cats!
• Based on that dream - maybe I should wish for restful sleep.

Thankful:

• I'm thankful for great sales!
• I'm thankful for recent discoveries of TV shows that are old news to most - but most entertaining to me.
• I'm thankful for a change of pace- the ability to be flexible and the opportunity to give different things a try. (Think going from desk job to solo chef for 40-100 people's meal's)
• And finally - I'm very thankful for the chance to try a new employment position with my old workplace (but not the evil overlords that kicked us all to the curb). It will be a VERY different line of work, but good or bad - it will only last for 4 months. I will still be looking for a "long term" placement; but I'm thrilled to be able to relocate within the same building - with the same benefits and seniority - and possibly my personal parking spot. (I'm really thankful for my personal parking space.)

Hope the week is filled with many things for you to be thankful for and time to consider your wildest wishes...

The Corn Waits For No One

It is my favorite season.
No, I'm not referring to the weather - which pretty much could be described as so hot you contemplate peeling off your own skin.

I'm referring to the season of corn. Oh, sweet corn! (Do not confuse this with anything that has ever been served at a restaurant - that is barely food.)
I love the impatience of sweet corn. When it is ready for picking - you must pick it NOW.

It is fast to cook.

I love that when you really know corn - you know that the good stuff is not the overly large kernels. The good stuff is the baby small kernels because they are full of sweetness.

It is fast to pass - sweet corn (or at least the good stuff) is short lived.

This is how it has come that when we have sweet corn - we HAVE corn. Like corn equals a meal for me.

So the other night - I steamed up a pot of corn on the cob. A pot that should have fed everyone in the house...

And somehow, by the time hubby reached the kitchen - the pot had been emptied and was on round 2.

See? Corn season really is short around here.

Wishing Wednesday

Week 29: Life after Job

I am wishing for a "do-over" with my compost box...I've clearly mucked something up.

I wish my jade plant will forgive me for neglecting it.

I wish that the pests that have invaded my house will soon go away - either of natural causes or poison can be ordered.

I wish for patience and the ability to be focused and still relax.

I wish for a burst of productivity and organization.


And I'm thankful...

...that I do have some time to breathe and that I do not have to take the first low paying crap job that is offered to me.

...that while I may be looking at crap jobs right now - even if I do take one, I'm not committed for a lifetime.

...that while my hen and chick plant died (flowering equals death for hen and chicks) I think I was left with many seeds to start a new adventure.

...that there is time to make changes. Classes to build skills. Chances to move in a new career direction.


And what are you wishing for lately?