Lost in Transition

We are approaching a year since my I-LOVED-IT job was pulled right out from under me. And reflecting back on the year, I've just kind of been riding the waves- aimlessly getting by, and faking it-all the while being lost in transition.

And then I realized - the last 2 years of that "Love It" job- were described OVER and OVER by the evil overlords as "a year of transition". Things were changing faster than we could comprehend, communication was hard (or hardly happening), no one had a road map - and the whole thing was like a snowball rolling downhill......with a cliff at the end. So it's no wonder - that this year feels like it's been FOREVER - like I've really been wandering lost for about 3 years - and I'm tired and want to plant myself in a place where I can grow. (And decorate.)

I was very fortunate to find an opening that allowed me to stay with the non-profit that I do love dearly. It was temporary but it was such a gift. Not just for the paycheck - which was greatly appreciated, but because it let me try a different kind of work out (one that I might have been afraid to try - had it not come with an expiration date).

Before that job ended, another position became vacant in another department. It too, was a job that I had NEVER considered doing in all the years that I have known of it. But it was a job that I considered to be a stepping stone. There is retirement in the air for the department lead, and I was in told I could be part of their succession plan. So while this job did not come with an official expiration date, I've kind of been standing in line to reach a higher goal.

And then...an amazing thing happened. After YEARS of discussion and planning and wishing...our organization has been lucky enough to be able to start a whole new program - a HUGE-will have it's own 3 story building - kind of program! I remember hearing about this dream / job long ago when I was sitting at my beloved desk and thinking - that sounds interesting...if I ever want to shake things up, that might be the road to go down.

So while I've been marking time and learning new things and trying to see if the shoes of this potential department-lead job would fit me - another road was being constructed. Now, I will be marking time for my 2 weeks notice- tying up loose ends, sadly - preparing to not be surrounded by some great people that I have grown fond of, and packing up to head to a job that I can make my NEW-GONNA-LOVE-IT-and make it all mine - job!

Little did I know, that the universe was pushing me, shaking me up, and sometimes bruising me so that I would be ready for this next chapter. It's been a while - but the party is on!

End of Days

I have officially ended my days in the office.

I have packed requested things. Set OUT OF OFFICE to permanent.

I have thrown away an amazing amount of paper. (In a recycle bin for non-profit organization.)

I have submitted my stacks of files to shred.

I am done.

Except...I keep waking at odd hours of the night and remembering things undone...boxes and shelves unsorted, emails unsent, supplies that could have found a better home.

At some point, I'm sure it will stop mattering. Things will be what they will be.
Things will be thrown away. Things will be sent out to others. And soon, there will be no proof that we were ever there.

Websites will be canceled. Phone lines will be disconnected. At some point email messages will stop coming in - either because I stop answering them or because people figure out we are gone or because we won't have active accounts. We will be a memory.

Being away seems to be better than being there and constantly saying goodbye to every phone call and every email. I feel like the book is shut. And I'm even starting to look forward to the next adventure. Not enough to want it to begin yet.

Just enough to start window shopping without feeling nauseous. Baby steps.

The Line Starts Here

I'm not even sure what line I'm in yet...

The line for complaints?

The line for fulfilling undiscovered dreams?

The line for the manual that explains how not-to get run over by the "Change" bus?

The line for anxiety medication?

The line for beverages that help to "fuzz out the edges"?


Oh, wait. This may be the line for severance packages and unemployment.

Why? Because, yesterday - near the end of my work day...as I was on a serious roll of productivity and task ass-kicking...(on a FRIDAY - for the record)

Some man (it must have been a man) took out a pen in his ivory tower without windows and managed to eliminate 100% of the funding they provide for my all-important job. (Which is about 50% of my overall funding.) On the eve of my 10 year anniversary.

Ouch.

I know I'm not alone. Everyone that depends on the financially crisis-crazed budgets has been looking at cuts in every direction. And until yesterday - it looked like they were attacking every line item EXCEPT mine. And suddenly project Bracing for Impact started to phase into project Roll With the Punches, Hang On Tight, and Assess Damage When The Ride Comes to A Full And Complete Stop.

In hindsight, I'd rather have had my arm cut off instead of being executed.

Should I be making my way to the unemployment line - I'll bring a case of beverages and some cake - because I will be amongst friends.

But I'm not sure this is the end of the story. Until I was struck with anxiety and insomnia around 3AM I was pretty sure that there is hope. I just MAY make it into the lifeboat. I think that it will work out. I am not deluded by the idea that my job will look ANYTHING like it did 24 hours ago. But I've been there and I've done that. And now, I'll get to do something new.

Maybe in the same building. Maybe with the same benefits. Maybe not. Maybe I'll be cracking books. Maybe I'll be tapping my creative energy. Who knows?

But the times, they are a'changing (thanks Billy for the theme song). Take a number. Wear comfy shoes...we may be here a while.

I Thought You Were Sleeping...

For those of you that don't know me - I want to believe that I am not the kind of person that would ignore someone in need. I have this coworker who's been having a bad time - some health complaints, some personal dramas, some work stress - and she's kind of falling off the truck and about to get run over.

Her work stress has led to disorganization - which causes errors - which causes more work stress.

Her personal dramas have led to work disturbances - collector phone calls, needy/ nonsense/ demands from family members which causes more stress and makes her further behind on work.

Her health issues - well, if you have ever had long-term non-specific health complaints - you feel like poop, you don't give a flying monkey-butt, and it's hard to do good work...you see where this is going....yes, more work stress. It has also lead to emotional and physical exhaustion - and a new habit of sometimes nodding off in the middle of the work day.

I sit closer to this coworker than anyone else. I have ears like a hawk. I may be the only one aware of what is happening - but from time to time, I hear snoring. Where, I ask, is this kind of situation addressed in the employee handbook? It would seem that good co-worker ettiqute would demand that you leave them be and - should a supervisor approach - make such a ruckus that they are forced to wake up before being caught. Yes?

And what if it happens a lot? Even when you know this employee is really mucking up the status of their continued-happy-much-needed- employment? And what if you add, on top of all of that - the fact that you are convinced that that co-worker has become a full-raging facebook ADDICT? And maybe this habit is also to blame for their exhaustion, falling behind on work, etc?

Well, I've tried to ignore the situation. I'm trying to hear a little less. Today, I was busy working - not at break neck speed, but working. And I became aware of the deep SILENCE that was settling over the office. No rustling papers. No clicking keyboard noises. No mouse scrolling. No calculator punching. (I told you I have ears like a hawk.) Nothing - not even snoring. So I got up to see if I had somehow missed the fact that everyone had left the office but me (some co-workers are very good at sneaking out) - and saw enough to confirm that the co-worker was still in the cubical. So what was I to think? Yes, I thought she was sleeping.

Time passes - I take phone calls. I make phone calls. I answer email. I finish report. I gather items to take to main office. As I am walking out, I run into the boss. I do not divert my mission, but figure that I can HONESTLY say - it was out of my hands if someone is held accountable for their actions.

When I return to the office - I hear the employee talking to the boss, who says, "Regina, will you come over here and check on her every once in a while? It appears she passed out at her desk."

Yes, punch me in the gut, I feel like a total A$$! Please tell me - you might have done the same?